Mental Breakdown

Ben was away Wednesday-Friday last week which always makes things a little more stressful at home for me. This time I was actually fine with him being away, but was annoyed with the last minute notice...he didn't find out until Tuesday afternoon he would be going away. Zak had his normal tantrums throughout the day, Ryder had his normal tantrums when it came to meal times and neither one wanted to nap as usual. I did find out if I laid in my bed with them with a movie on they would both fall asleep for a while so that is what I did each afternoon. Thursday afternoon a neighborhood kid knocked on the door and woke the boys up because his toy plane had gone into out backyard. That evening Zak was a little monster because of this. Friday afternoon Rich, Laura & Haleigh knocked on the door which woke up the boys, but they were excited to see Nanny & Poppy so it wasn't as bad as the day before.

Yesterday we took the boys to the playground for a while which they loved. After leaving the playground we went to lunch at Fridays which was very yummy!

Last night once the boys were in bed my stomach started to bother me. I know it was from stress because that is a very normal reaction for me when I get stressed. I am very stressed about something going on, but I am not going to "post my dirty laundry" on the blog at this point. It has nothing to do with health, the boys or anything bad really so no worries. I spent most of the night awake and pacing around the house with an upset stomach. This morning when the boys woke up I had a hard time getting myself up and going since I had very little sleep. We needed to go to Target and BJ's for a few things and then planned to go to another playground to let the boys run around. They both did great at BJ's, but Zak had a tantrum and bad behavior in the parking lot which caused us not to go to the playground. I felt bad for Ryder since he didn't do anything wrong, but Zak needs to learn there are consequences to his bad behavior. I am sure Ryder will have bad days which will cause Zak to miss out on some fun also though. We stopped at McDonald's to get some breakfast (it was right at 11am when they switch over) and to return a Red Box movie. When we got home and opened the bag of food we found it was not our order so there was nothing in the bag for me to eat. I was so hungry, tired, and just annoyed/stressed with things going on. After the boys ate we laid them down for a nap (which they never ended up actually sleeping) and I laid down in my bed for a nap while Ben played some video games. I did get some sleep which was great. For some reason when I woke up I was just in such a bad mood which led to a long evening. I had hit my breaking point and was on a rampage in the house. I was annoyed with how much of a mess the house is so I went around throwing stuff away, throwing stuff around, yelling at everyone and everything in the house and so on. The boys seemed to be not listening to anything, misbehaving every move they made while Ben just sat on the couch watching TV. I was just done, done with everything...

I was able to pull myself together enough to clean up the house a bit, ask Ben to give the boys a bath, pack bags for tomorrow, take a shower and now sit down to watch some TV.

I am hoping tomorrow will be a much better day. It will be a long day, but hopefully better. The people putting up our new fence should be at the house around 7-730am, I have to take Zak to daycare, take Ryder to his therapy class, pick Zak up from daycare, figure out something for lunch on the go, and then go to Hopkins for Ryder's appointment with the geneticist. We will probably make it home close to dinner time, bath and bed.